back from sabbatical

I’m not sure how many people have noticed but it has been a few weeks since I have posed anything on my blog.  It isn’t out of lack of anything to say.  I just wanted to get into the habit of writing for me again.  When I started the blog it was simply a creative outlet.  I love to write so I thought that I would publish some of what I had written.  Over the last couple of months I began writing what I thought others might like.  So the material, although it was my own, is almost guided by my readership and my own barometer of what others like to read.  I just wanted to announce that I took a little bit of time off for a few reasons and I thought that I would share what I learned about myself in the process.

I might be a bit narcissistic:

I feel significant in this world when I am praised. If you are this way, you know what I am talking about, it’s a struggle.  This is why I took time off from posting stuff.  A few weeks ago I caught myself thinking, “people will really like this or relate to that.”  So I have a little folder on my computer of unpublished stuff because I know had it been published I would have been tracking clicks or google analytics results.  As I get older the need to die to my selfish desires is increasingly screaming louder in my life.  So, I am going to write just for me for now on.  I might find times when I don’t have anything to say, so I’m not going to post.

My sense significance has been off:

I feel significant because of a lot of things like family and friends and maybe some accomplishments.  But ultimately I need to understand that I am significant because God made me in His image and loves me enough to forgive all of the stupid stuff I’ve done.  When that’s your understanding of who God is, it is very silly to think of your significance based on a position, or something you’ve done. I’ve been drawing my significance from the amount of people around the world who read the blog.  We all search for meaning and significance every day; sometimes there is a realization that your life lacks it.  This is a harsh realization.  For me I realize the most that my life lacks significance when I try to feel significant from something that I’ve done, I think my writing and the things I say will get better when I realize that my creator passionately loves me.

Honesty is still the best policy:

I’ve been a little surprised at the response to some of my past posts.  I’ve gotten e-mails and text messages from people who think I have it all together and have answers.  I want to be honest with my readership and let you know that I am on a lifelong journey of living my life in a way that is consistent with the scriptures and makes God attractive.  So in doing so, there are ebbs and flows of life.  I make mistakes, life change happens and the world changes.  I don’t have the answers and I don’t have it all together, I am simply working it all out, sometimes in a public fashion.

So I am getting back on my blogging horse.  Love you all who are walking this journey with me around the globe.  Although this blog is for my benefit, I hope it will in turn benefit you.


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