don’t try

Do you ever get half way through shaving in the shower and have a brilliant idea?  You articulate it so well in your mind then when it comes time to develop that idea you stare mindlessly at a blank computer screen.  This has happened to me a lot.  Some have suggested that I should write on a schedule, maybe every day for an hour or three times a week.  But what happens when my creativity doesn’t line up with my writing schedule?  I’ve been told, “write every day, post it to the blog and you’ll get more readers.”  I’m just not creative every day.  Some days I am just a methodical machine that gets business done while other days I have so many ideas I can’t spew them out fast enough.

My point is exactly this.  “Don’t Try.”

This is advice that poet Charles Bukowski left the world on his tombstone.  This is not advice to have zero ambition, it is not advice on risk taking, but it is advice on creativity.  His point was that you couldn’t force the creative process.  This is precisely the reason why after I’ve studied for a sermon there will be times I go for a run or play some basketball.  Creativity is like a force in my mind that isn’t always on.  Being in creative environments draws it out with creative people.

When you try, you end up getting a great comedian hosting the Oscars telling lame scripted jokes.  When you try, it’s obvious.  When you try no one laughs.  Have you ever said something really profound or funny and you probably followed it up with the phrase, “I wasn’t even trying.”

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fully present

Today I was sitting at the kitchen table finishing my post on women in ministry while Emma was eating some lunch. I guess I was so into what I was writing I didn’t even notice Emma talking to me. A second later I noticed Emma throwing her food across the table. I started to reprimand her when my wife stopped me and said, “she’s been trying to get your attention for a while now.”

It was one of those moments when it just all clicked. I’ve worked with students for years and give me one minute with someone and I can size up their daddy issues. I’ve worked with so many teenage girls that are desperately seeking their father’s attention. Now my daughter is throwing food, just so I would pay attention to her. The crazy thing is that I shut my laptop and started to pay attention to her and she started eating her lunch again. She probably didn’t realize the significance of what she was doing but it made a huge impact on me.

If you’re a dad to girls, they are desperately seeking your attention. They want your affirmation, they crave your approval, and they want to feel loved. If you are a father to boys your absence in their life will bring anger, resentment and dis-attachment in every area in their life. Your prescience in your kids life is so much larger than you can imagine. Your presence in your kids lives even teaches them what God is like.

Sometimes kids get in trouble, sometimes they get bad grades and sometimes they appear perfectly good on the outside but are screaming internally. They don’t do this for their own good, they do this because they want your recognition. Think about it in terms of a mathematical equation, the more attention and love you give your daughter, the less she will look for it somewhere else.

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meet lucy

I wanted to announce to my friends/readers that my wife and I welcomed our second daughter into the world today. Lucy Michelle Noel Johnson was born at 3:03pm on January 29th. She weighed in at a sizable 9lbs, 11oz, the same as her sister, and 21 1/2in long. My wife and I couldn’t be more thrilled. Thank you all for your prayers, love, support and for swinging by reclaimthebeauty.com

 

Lucy is here! from Richard Adams on Vimeo.

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meet george

A few months ago I had the joy of being trained as a Family Wellness instructor.  During that class my instructor was the founder of Family Wellness Associates, George Doub. Meeting George was a great experience.  I feel like in those three days I learned far more than just how to teach parenting classes.

I was incredibly saddened today to learn that a few days after Christmas, George died in an accident at his home.  My heart goes out to his family as they mourn the loss of George.  Even though George passed, his legacy lives on.  In his work, the Family Wellness philosophy has impacted thousands of lives around the world.

While I know that many of my readers didn’t know George or you may have never heard of Family Wellness, but I wanted to share with you some of the timeless philosophies that George shared in my 24 hours in class with him.

What You Water Grows

This one is pretty self explanatory, but George would say it all the time.  Say for example you have a three-year-old and she is throwing a tantrum in the store, you start yelling at your kid, and your kid starts yelling louder, all of the sudden you have just thrown fuel on the fire.  The idea of, “what you water grows” is that what you give attention to will grow.  A lot of times this can be a great thing and a lot of times this can be detrimental.

Probably the best example of this in my life was during seminary.  The theology class I was in just went through a brutal midterm and there were some tricky questions.  Everyone in the class was upset and complained to our professor.  There was a twenty-minute session of complaining about the questions on the test.  When the volume started to go down the professor simply said, “is everyone done?”  Then she proceeded to start her lecture.  Had she argued with us, it may have turned into a full-blown fight.  But she knew not to water the situation.

Say what you need

So many times we approach our kids, wife, boss, friends or anyone else by telling them what we want them to do.  We tell them what they need to do.  George suggested that we simply are honest with each other and say what we need. Imagine the difference between, “hey sweetie you need to stop…., “ and “hey sweetie, I need to feel loved and respected by you and part of the way that happens is…”

This principle is the difference between diagnosing someone and simply stating how you feel. You are really increasing your chances for success by practicing this.

What would you like to see instead?

Many people like to complain about things, but that is all they really know how to do.  Next time you are in a fight with your spouse or friends or boss, ask “what would you like to see instead?”  That question has a way of getting to the heart of an issue.  Many people can’t answer that question, but if you can answer that question then you are ahead of the game

Hearing of George’s death was very sad; I only had the pleasure of knowing him for 24 hours but I hope his work will live on and I hope through this post you get to see a glimpse of his greatness.

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rethinking rudolph

Last night my daughter and I were watching all of the classic Christmas cartoons.  We watched, “Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer” and I noticed something that I had nevernoticed before.  We all know the song and the plot of the movies follows the lyrics.  The song talks about all of the reindeer teasing poor Rudolph for his glowing nose.  Then when the downtrodden reindeer gets an invitation from Santa to be the leader of the sleigh, suddenly all of the other reindeer loved him, they even shouted out with glee.

I was thinking, this totally sounds like junior high.  All of the students think that everyone is looking at them, one minute you’re a dork, then the prank you pulled in class makes you temporarily famous.  Junior highers travel in packs, just like reindeer, they feel worthless unless someone more popular than them praises or gives status to them and physical appearance is king.

I wonder if many of us have been stuck in this mentality since junior high.  First, we give all the praise to those who have positional power; they have a title and authority, therefore they are to be revered. For many people, their self worth hinges on what others might think or say.  Have we become a culture of people who feel worthless and take it out on everyone whom we come in contact with?  Do we constantly try to prove that we are worthy of love? The Rudolph paradigm that we have been living under is that you are ignored and even made fun of without a title, then when you receive it, the same people who made fun of you will now celebrate you.

What’s wrong with this picture?  Are they celebrating you or the title?  Have we created a system where people are desperately seeking the next best thing, only to find out it is a step ahead of them?  Have we set up a system where leaders with big titles are a little too celebrated? Are we really that shallow?  What’s wrong with being average?

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