he who has an ear

The summer of my 10th grade year my brother and I went to spend a few weeks with my Aunt and Uncle and cousins in Colorado.  While we were there I met my Aunt’s sister, Dasa, who is an especially interesting woman.   She is the kind of person who could tell stories for hours and you’d never get bored listening to.  I remember this one story she told so clearly because it was amazing to me how God still speaks to his people.

Dasa tells the story that she was in a church service and she felt God impressing on her that she should go comfort the person in front of her and tell them, “everything is going to be alright.”  Like most people, Dasa thought she was going crazy and she stayed where she was.  She kept getting this urge to comfort the person when suddenly a man who she didn’t know, came from across the room and put his arm around the person and whispered something into that person’s ear.  A second later the man turned and walked up to Dasa and said, “it’s okay I took care of it,” and walked away.

That story kind of freaked me out.  I have always heard people say that God calls people to do His work and if they don’t then He’ll raise someone else up.  This story makes that idea pretty clear.

But have you every consciously tuned someone out?  Maybe in a staff meeting or at home, you just consciously started thinking about something else and you stopped listening?  I think if we stop listening long enough then we will become selectively deaf.  My Aunt’s sister Dasa got a huge reminder to listen to God and these days she doesn’t get around much and listening is what she spends most of here time doing.  I was reading the Sermon on the Mount the other day and Jesus said not to go on babbling like the pagans do but to go to a quiet place and pray.  Many scholars think that Jesus was referencing to this line in the Torah when he said that, “when you address the Holy One, Blessed be he, let your words be few.” (B’arkhot 61a). The story is a reminder to allow you to hear God.

My question is, if we stop listening, are we then setting our selves up to become deaf to a God who whispers in silence?   When you think about it, that guy you tune out when your wife is talking but the TV seems to be louder, or when you simply faze someone out, we are training ourselves to become deaf.

There are many useful classes and skills that you can find on listening.  Many lecture and write books, articles and blogs about listening, but what are the consequences if we stop listening?

Who have you made the effort to stop listening to?  When was the last time you listened to God?  When was the last time your words were few?  I wonder if this is why Jesus always walked around saying, “he who has an ear, let him hear.”

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loving the right thing

Yesterday my wife took Emma to a child development class at a local junior college.  The class needed to observe kids who were under two.  When they got home she told me about a little boy who would hit the other kids, he even bit a girl and made her bleed.  I guess the parents would scold the boy and tell him that he was a “bad boy” and they would yell at him each time he did this.  However, the kid’s behavior kept getting progressively worse.

I wonder if at an early age we begin to fall in love with the wrong things.  I’m not saying that this boy had bad parents, they truly didn’t want him biting and yet they were unintentionally re-enforcing his bad behavior.  Just from the short time of observation, my wife noticed that the parents only gave their son attention when he was disobeying or being rude to the other kids.  So the kid acted out and his parents gave him a lot of attention.

I have been working with teenage students since I was fifteen years old.  I got my first job at a teen center mainly because I didn’t disclose my age and I looked older than I really was.  Since I have been working with teenagers, I have met this disobedient baby over and over again.  Their central goal is to bring others to anger and they end up getting negative attention, but it is attention.  These teens learned at an early age to fall in love with the wrong thing.

So there are a few things that these experiences have reinforced in me.  First, what you water grows.  When you give attention to negative behavior you will always get negative behavior in return.  Second, I couldn’t help but wonder what we train kids to love.  Kids love attention and they need security and that is how they feel love.  When they don’t get it in reinforcing words, they will take it in a scolding.  I guess the tough part of all of this is that I’ve seen the end result.  I have worked with students through junior high and high school and eventually college who all love negative attention.

Parents, here is my plea to you.  First, love your children and when they do great things recognize that.  Second, correct their bad behavior but don’t just tell them that they are bad or “no,” offer them something better instead.  Third, verbally tell them that you love them and back it up with action.  Kids go through rough patches when they misbehave, but when they are secure in the fact that they are loved then everything changes.

Remember, what you water grows.

 

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reflection

Today I was at my nephew’s 3rd birthday party (Happy Birthday Joey!) when I heard Emma yelling at me from across the yard.  I was holding Lucy while my wife and Emma ate lunch.

Emma started yelling, “Daddy, Daddy!!!” It was one of those moments when the kid yelling was so loud that it seemed like everyone stopped their conversation and looked at Emma.

When I realized that Emma was calling me, I responded, “yes Emma!”

While the rest of the party was silent, Emma shouted, “I love you!”

There was a collective “awwwwwwwwwwwwww” through out the party.

I’m not going to lie, it was really cute and it made me feel really good to hear my daughter yell that across the yard.  I know exactly why she yelled that and I am not surprised at all.  I’m pretty sure every parent who has ever loved their children have had a similar moment.

When someone loves you so much and gives you so much attention, the only rational thing to do is to love them in return.  Every day I make it a point to hold my girls and tell them that I love them.  I whisper it in their ears even though I know that Lucy doesn’t understand yet.  I want them to know that they are loved, and be secure with that knowledge.  Emma is getting to the point where she has found confidence in our love.  Therefore, she is doing the most rational thing she can do; she’s reflecting that love back to her mom and dad.

A while ago I wrote about serving people as a form of growing deeper in love with them. I think that is part of God’s plan with our kids.  When you change countless diapers, get up in the middle of the night, change sheets that have been puked on for the third time in one day you grow deeper in love with your child.

I remember one time when Emma’s diaper didn’t quite do its job; when I went to get her up from a nap she was handing me her baby doll that was covered in poop.  Even when your kids hand you their crap, you still love them.  In fact there isn’t a thing you wouldn’t do for them. You take it and then you clean them up.

This is exactly how God is with us.  We constantly make a mess of life and we hand that mess over to him.  Even though its dirty and nasty, he takes us, throws us in the cosmic bubble bath and cleans us up.  When you look at all of the little seemingly insignificant details of life, it is simply a metaphor for how much God loves us.  So in the face of that love, how do you respond?

Do you live your life as a reflection of the love of a Father who loves us?

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city love

Aristotle once wrote, “Man is by nature a political animal.”  People love this quote, especially the press around election season.  Although, this phrase doesn’t have much to do with politics as we know it.  The Greek word for “political” is, “polis,” polis means city.  The phrase actually means that man is a polis inhabiting creature.  The idea is that man is rational because he makes the decision to live in community.  It would be irrational to live in isolation, away from people who can walk through life with you.

I was flying into Chicago on my way home today and I couldn’t take my eyes off the city.  I have never been there before and I was disappointed that my layover was only ten minutes.  Even though I was anxious to see my wife and daughters, I wanted to experience the beauty of that polis. As I was flying in I was reminded of Jesus’ entry to Jerusalem, he stopped and wept for the city. He said, “O Jerusalem, Jerusalem, you who kill the prophets and stone those sent to you, how often I have longed to gather you as a hen gathers her chicks under her wings, but you were not willing.” As I was thinking about it the only other time that the gospels record Jesus weeping was at the death of his friend Lazarus.  In the entire bible God mourns at the death of the “wicked” and it even says that he would rather they be saved. (Ezekiel 33:10-11)  I think it is pretty huge to recognize that God mourns.  In this case he mourns his own rejection and the spiritual death of the rational polis people.

So flying over Chicago I though of that moment when Jesus looked over his people with the desire to spread his wings and gather all of the people to himself.   It is rational that a creator would want to live in community with his people. It is rational for a God who lives in community with himself (trinity) to want people to live in community with each other.  In our cities we have many communities, some of business, sports, education and faith.

Sometimes the community of faith is really good about sticking together and that is really good, but sometimes that is all they do!  What if the community of faith experienced that same sorrow for the city?  What if the community of faith experienced the sorrow of Jesus and went on his mission in their own city, the mission of reconciling everything to Jesus.

What if that was your story?  What would it look like for you to have such a burden for people that you gave up everything to see relationships be redeemed?  What would it look like for you to walk co-workers through steps to forgiving others and themselves?  Really what I am asking is what does it look like for you to love your city?  What are you tangibly doing to love the place where you live in community with others?

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stories of belonging

My wife and I had dinner with some new neighbors the other day.  They are missionaries of a different faith.  They are super nice people; we just don’t believe the same things.  After dinner the conversation turned to religion.  They asked me if I had any questions for them.  I did have questions but they weren’t technical, they were narrative.  I asked them to tell me the story of their religion.  How did it come about?  What was their god like?  Why do they believe what they believed?

The sad thing was that for people who are so passionate about their religion that they would give up a few years of their life to spread their religion, they didn’t know where to start.  I was kind of shocked that they couldn’t answer the question.  It wasn’t my intent to trick these people or to be duplicitous in any way.  I simply wanted to hear more about them.  I believe that embedded within our story are the keys to our being.  Our story speaks of our love, our suffering, the good and the bad.  Our stories are who we are.

I was really hoping that these missionaries would tell me a good story because I really wanted to understand them.  Sometimes it is difficult to understand others.  Sometimes when others speak we give them a strange look because it is difficult to understand why they said what they just said.  I think stories are powerful.

What if simply by telling stories in your family you could all of the sudden have a more connected family?  You could tell stories of life, death, baptisms, weddings, vacations, funny moments, hard times, and God’s provision.  I think families are beginning to lose their narrative, and when that is lost their sense of belonging is lost with it.  As humans we have a basic need to belong to something.  Your family story helps you belong to your family, just like your faith story helps you belong to a religion.

I think it would be sweet if a dad of a 17 year old girl walked into her room and told her the story of the day she was born and how excited he was.  How loved would she feel? Even though it might be cheesy she would feel even more deeply connected with who she is as a part of her family.

If you’re a parent I hope you will spend time with your kids telling them their family story.  If you follow Jesus, I hope you’ll tell God’s story to your kids.  If you love someone I’d challenge you to help them belong by telling them a story today.

 

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