controlled power

Posted on October 25, 2011 by dave

I meet with a group of pastors and leaders who are really intentional about developing one another. We meet one time a month, read books, pray debate and discuss. It is so helpful to have some high caliber leaders speaking into my life. I am eternally grateful to these men who spend the time to do this with one another.

A few weeks ago I had a major insight into great leadership traits. We were talking about gentleness in leadership. At first gentleness sounds a little weak and conjures up images of some dude getting walked all over in the office, but that couldn’t be further from the truth.

Gentleness is really about self-control. It is about using the power that you have in a controlled way. Many leaders could tear someone to shreds with just a few words. But sometimes restraining your power can have an even greater affect.

I was thinking back to a time when my Pastor (who passed away in September) asked me to have lunch with him one day. This was a while ago so the details are a little fuzzy, but essentially I had screwed up. Instead of letting me knowing it and laying into me he restrained the power he had, guiding me through a series of questions that helped me realize I had screwed up.

I appreciated this for a few reasons. First, It kept our relationship strong and in tact. Instead of being disciplined and running away with my tail between my legs, we engaged in a thoughtful dialogue on whatever it was I messed up on. Second, it gave me a model on how to handle conflict and staff issues. But the main thing I noticed is that the entire encounter was gentle. There was a sense that power was controlled for the greater good.

I got to thinking about the encounters that Jesus had with his disciples and even the religious elite of the day. He modeled gentleness in his humility but also in his encounters with others. God with flesh on could have quite a bit of power, but even from the moment of temptation in the dessert he withheld his power. Which brings me to this point; the greatest power you can possess is the ability to not exercise it. Maybe power is found in restraint and self control rather than blatant exercises of power.

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avoiding an arab spring

Posted on October 6, 2011 by dave

There is a really good reason why the “Arab Spring” happened. It has less to do with politics and more to do with leadership. Actually, It has everything to do with us as well. The “Arab Spring” was a backlash against authoritarian leadership. For years Mubarak and Gaddafi have been leading their people from their positions of power rather than their persuasion abilities. One of the hardest and most rewarding leadership challenges is leading people when they have the freedom not to follow. This kind of leadership happens everywhere from governments to churches to organizations and local communities.

The problem with the leaders in the Arab world is that they have been ruling rather than leading, they have been using their positions to dictate that their will be done. In governments legitimacy is king. You cannot hold your position for long without the people perceiving you as the actual leader. Some leaders of nations have taken their positions by force, but their countrymen and women do not perceive them as the actual leader, thus the revolution spawns. If you have to hold onto your position by force, chances are, you are not the legitimate leader.

This is a huge leadership issue. Who is legitimate? Who leads with persuasion rather than position? This leadership principle transcends time and the leadership of just nations. The issue of legitimacy is relevant in communities, work places and even homes. Do you lead out of your title or do you lead out of your ability to inspire and walk with people? Do people follow you because if they don’t there might be consequences, or do they follow you because of a level of trust that has been built up over time? You can avoid an “Arab Spring” by leading out of your core values and integrity.

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shoulder standers

Posted on April 5, 2011 by dave

I ran on the cross-country team in high school. I did it originally because it was an easy way to get credits for graduation. At practice we ran off campus a lot and I had some friends who would get picked up, they would get ice cream or food then, they would get dropped off and run the last quarter mile back to school. I naturally thought this was amazing. After about a week of being on the team and running with the slackers at practice we had our first meet.

When the gun went off for the race, something happened in my head. I was like a horse chomping at the bit to catch every person who was in front of me. After that race, my coach would never let me go back to the slacker group again. I ended up coming in 8^th place for my school and 5^th place for the race. I steadily took running more seriously and began being a contender in the races. That was my junior year.

During my senior year, I took running a lot more seriously and I was consistently in the top 5 of our team. Our team had a group of about 10 runners who got really close. There were only three seniors on the team and we were advancing well in our brackets. We even got to CIF prelims, but we were a few minutes shy of advancing to the next rounds of CIF. Although we won nothing it was great to be a part of a team where individual performance mattered but in the end it was a team effort. It has been ten years since then but I look back at those days remembering the joy of being on that team.

So today I was sitting in my tax-guys office and he showed me a picture. The picture was of that team that went to CIF. A much skinnier version of me was in that picture. He said, “do you know that the cross-country team has been major contenders for CIF almost every single year since you graduated?” I didn’t know that. He said that whenever the coach talks about why his team is so successful he points back to this group of ten outrageously committed guys who paved the way for the team to be where they are at now.

Needless to say, at my tax appointment today I was floored. I didn’t realize that what I had done was a part of something bigger. I always just thought that I ran for me. It turns out I was wrong. I ran quickly to motivate the people behind me to run fast, and they motivated the group behind them to train even harder and run very fast. We were part of a team that created a winning culture.

I heard someone say one time, “why follow and look at someone’s back when you can lead and see so much more.” I think this is a massively flawed way of looking at leadership. If you are leading someone, and they only see your back, you are keeping them in the dark. I think the proper posture for leadership is allowing your followers to stand on your shoulders and see further than you.

In a letter to a friend, Isaac Newton said, “If I have seen a little further it is by standing on the shoulders of giants.” I love this quote because it reminds me that each one of us is a giant in our own way. People are standing on our shoulders peering into the distance. But we are only in that posture because of the giants who have influenced us.

So today, who are the giants who have paved your way? Who are you allowing to stand on your shoulders to see even greater things?

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optimistic delusions

Posted on March 25, 2011 by dave

I was in a local coffee shop the other day and I overheard this guy with a British accent talking to his girlfriend. He was talking about his experience in California and with Americans in general. If I didn’t have to leave at the moment I probably would have nosed my way into their fascinating conversation. He was saying that he noticed people in America were generally very optimistic and happy, the word he used was, “jolly”. I thought it was a great observation. Then I started thinking about the context and history of optimism. I began wondering, if we are overly optimistic do we run the risk of becoming delusional?

There is a story about an ancient royal worker who is distressed over bad news of his homeland. There is a big deal made about this worker, Nehemiah never appearing sad in the presence of the king, but one day he did. The miracle was the king allowed his sad servant to share his heart, and then he gave Nehemiah safe passage back to his homeland to rebuild a wall. Most kings were not so nice. Most kings wanted to hear a good report, because the status of their kingdom reflects the king’s leadership. Most kings practiced a willful ignorance of the bad parts of their kingdom.

Have you ever been asked to give a report on how your area of responsibility is going? I think most everyone wants to paint a great picture during this report even if it’s bad news. However, if we make the bad sound good, and we use words like, ”this could be a blessing, the opportunity we’ve been waiting for, chance for success, huge potential,” then you run the risk of falling into the same pattern that kings advisors have been falling into for centuries. When we give knowingly over-optimistic reports of a bad situation, isn’t that delusional? I think of the child’s story of the emperor’s new clothes. No one had the courage to show any negativity, much less realism toward the king.

I tend to be the guy who is realistic in these types of situations. It makes me look like pessimistic person. I do not desire to be pessimistic or divisive, just realistic. In the same sense, I don’t want to blow smoke at people when there is really a tough situation happening.

I think the tough question is whom do we put around us? Do we surround ourselves with optimists? Do we disregard the people with bad news as pessimistic? If that is you I’d suggest you might have a slightly skewed view of reality, it may even boarder on delusion! Sometimes we surround ourselves with pessimist and our fate is the same, delusion! I’d suggest the powerful middle ground of reality. Sometimes to get a firm dose of reality we need to surround ourselves with both pessimists and optimists who can see reality for what it is.

What do you think? At what point does optimism or even pessimism boarder on delusion? Are you afraid of giving a realistic report to your superiors? Do you live in the firm grasp of reality? We might even ask the question, what is reality?

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rethinking rudolph

Posted on December 18, 2010 by dave

Last night my daughter and I were watching all of the classic Christmas cartoons. We watched, “Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer” and I noticed something that I had nevernoticed before. We all know the song and the plot of the movies follows the lyrics. The song talks about all of the reindeer teasing poor Rudolph for his glowing nose. Then when the downtrodden reindeer gets an invitation from Santa to be the leader of the sleigh, suddenly all of the other reindeer loved him, they even shouted out with glee.

I was thinking, this totally sounds like junior high. All of the students think that everyone is looking at them, one minute you’re a dork, then the prank you pulled in class makes you temporarily famous. Junior highers travel in packs, just like reindeer, they feel worthless unless someone more popular than them praises or gives status to them and physical appearance is king.

I wonder if many of us have been stuck in this mentality since junior high. First, we give all the praise to those who have positional power; they have a title and authority, therefore they are to be revered. For many people, their self worth hinges on what others might think or say. Have we become a culture of people who feel worthless and take it out on everyone whom we come in contact with? Do we constantly try to prove that we are worthy of love? The Rudolph paradigm that we have been living under is that you are ignored and even made fun of without a title, then when you receive it, the same people who made fun of you will now celebrate you.

What’s wrong with this picture? Are they celebrating you or the title? Have we created a system where people are desperately seeking the next best thing, only to find out it is a step ahead of them? Have we set up a system where leaders with big titles are a little too celebrated? Are we really that shallow? What’s wrong with being average?

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reclaim the beauty

Tag Archives: Leadership

controlled power

avoiding an arab spring

shoulder standers

optimistic delusions

rethinking rudolph